The True Story of Nulch
Hi. You know those stupid half pints of milk you get at high school cafeterias? And you know those stupid cartoons they put on the backs of them-- the ones that make believe they promote health and nutrition? Just the other day, I saw one which featured the selfsame picture on the previous page. Above it was the caption:SPIRIT TEAM SCRAMBLER
UNSCRAMBLE THE WORD
NULCH
Well, God knows I tried, but I couldn't figure it out. Besides, lunch period was almost over. So I cheated. The answer was printed upside-down, cleverly hidden just below the rabbit-- an ingenious measure which almost cost me the pleasure of discovering what 'Nulch' really meant!
Nearby this bunny was the tiny legend, "Speedway", apparently the lagomorph's "real" name. Of course, I knew now that Nulch was not, in fact, the "real" name of the hirsute creature, but I retained it as his name in my personal mythology-- Speedway sucks as a name, Nulch is a good name, and it's the fault of the box-designer for printing
NULCH
in such huge letters so close to the rabbit and printingSpeedway
so damn small!The half pint of milk was produced by "Oak Farms", the box design and distibution was © '97 CIC (Champion International Corporation), and the character "Speedway" (NULCH to me!) is © "Mello Smello"... EEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUWWWW!
Naturally, once I had this great li'l character "NULCH" I had to create a setting and story: obviously he was a saxophone aficianado, so I told my "lunch-buddies" (which is not a real word) that this NULCH was a performer. My friend Brandon Duck (see Peanut Gallery for further information) and I developed his poor performance and wild popularity, so consider what you see on these Nulch pages about half his work.
NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH NULCH